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When is it okay to be silent?

I watched a video recently in which the speaker urged the “silent majority” to speak up.

While I understood what she was saying, her invitation also got me thinking about the dynamics of silence.

Now, me thinking about things can lead to a variety of scenarios.

If I’m trying to multi-task, that might mean that I put:

  • A dryer sheet in the washer.
  • The wrong pillowcases on the wrong pillows.
  • A double helping of mousse on my hair.

However, when I’m thinking in a more focused way about something like when-it’s-okay-to-do-this-or-that, I usually (hopefully) start with asking God what He thinks.

Since I try not to live in an echo chamber, the other thing I typically do is try to understand various perspectives.

Three camps of silence

When it comes to how individuals decide about being silent, I think it basically boils down to three camps:

  1. Those who are determined to remain silent.
  2. Those who may be willing to speak up for the right reasons.
  3. Those who are going to consistently trumpet their opinions.

That leads me to thinking about what kinds of dynamics influence who resides in which.

Factors that may influence silence

There could be a variety of factors at play, but generally, they may involve things like:

  • Personality. We’re all wired differently. Just because introverts are more likely to remain silent on a topic doesn’t mean they don’t care. And extroverts shouldn’t judge them for being true to themselves.
  • Stage in life. Older individuals often have the life experience and wisdom that informs whether they should or shouldn’t speak up. Those who are younger may be more impulsive and willing to jump into the fray.
  • Life goals. If you’re full of energy and ready to lead new initiatives, good for you. But if you’d prefer to focus on experiencing inner peace, good for you, too.
  • Priorities. While this is similar to life goals, what I’m referring to here is that each person’s situation is different. For some, their plates are quite full—as is the case for family caregivers or individuals dealing with health or other difficult issues. When this is the case, speaking up about various things likely isn’t the priority they’re focused on.  
  • Faith. This one could have many nuances, since there are various types of faith systems that people embrace. As you may know, I’m a Christian, so I live and write from that perspective—which is why I expand more on this below.
  • Perceived importance of the issue. Sometimes this is clear-cut, such as the need to advocate for the most vulnerable. Often, this is highly influenced by faith. It’s also a factor that each person has to decide for themselves.
  • Fear. Unfortunately, that’s a real thing in the world we live in. Some are afraid to speak up due to consequences that may occur if they do so—which, even more unfortunately may also be a real thing.
  • Courage. As you likely know, courage isn’t about the absence of fear, but the willingness to act in the face of it. I’d just like to point out that great acts of courage aren’t always visible. Instead, they may occur within small and individual acts that we’re never aware of.

Balancing silence with speaking up

Personally, I think all of those factors play into finding a balance between being silent and speaking up.

For me, it’s a matter of responding to the Holy Spirit‘s urging to become involved in something, take a stand, or make my opinions more visible in some way.

But to do so, I have to spend the focused time in prayer and study of the Word that’s needed to sense God’s leading.

While there is great power in speaking up, I think there is also great power in being quiet.

In being mindful and measured about how we communicate our opinions and views.

Our country is a mess right now and many are frustrated and overwhelmed.

In such an environment, it can be easy to have a knee-jerk response to current events.

I’m certainly tempted to do so at times.

But when I step back, pray, and wait on God‘s direction, then I can be more peaceful.

Because I’m responding to the Rock of His leading—instead of the shifting sands of my own emotions.

With such an approach, I can better engage with the world in the way God wants me to.

And reserve my focus and energy to exit silence and speak up about the things that matter most to Him.

Pro-Life: Finding Your Place

This morning, I started reading pro-life leader Shawn Carney’s new book, To the Heart of the Matter.

If you don’t know who Shawn Carney is, he’s the President and CEO of 40 Days for Life, “The world’s largest grassroots movement to end abortion.”

This pro-life organization focuses on prayer and fasting, constant vigils of peaceful prayer outside abortion facilities, and community outreach.

With a short and simple format, To the Heart of the Matter is designed as a 40-day devotional that can be used in various ways, such as during one of the 40 Days for Life campaigns, during Lent, or any other time at all.

As you can see, I chose the last.

Though Carney’s tone in the book is positive, he doesn’t sugarcoat the grim and growing realities of abortion, noting that 56 million lives are claimed annually (p.2) and that “every 30 seconds a baby is lost to abortion” (p.5-6).

Heart-felt Language

Unfortunately, many in our society are willing to accept both the inhumane practice of abortion and statistics like these.

But they get up in arms about the use of what they view as inflammatory terms like the various tenses of “kill” to describe this brutal process.

With my nursing background, I’m more nurturer-than-activist, so I have to admit that I sometimes cringe at seemingly inflammatory pro-life language, too.

However, I know the intent behind is it to cast a spotlight on the stark realities of abortion.

Because the collective conscience of this world has seemingly become either dulled or deadened to what’s happening in our midst.

After all, abortion does kill.

It intentionally ends the life of a preborn baby.  

And it emotionally and spiritually scars mothers, fathers, and other family members.

So heart-felt language that exposes these realities is needed to take a stand against the abortion industry and those who support it.

But equally important is heart-felt language that extends a compassionate message of love and support toward those who are in need of exactly that.

To the desperate moms and dads who need to know there are alternative options available.   

Heart-led Efforts    

Fortunately, there are many pro-life organizations that are finding a way to strike that type of balance.

There are three I particularly like in this context, since they all provide compassionate and supportive services to those in need—while also leading the way to help stop abortion for good:  

Of course, there are many other wonderful organizations doing similarly great work—but these are three that I learned about in my journey to taking a pro-life stand.

Finding Your Pro-Life Place

In his book, Carney describes the struggle many face regarding understanding how they can help to end abortion.

He says many who are helping to do so accomplish this “not by speaking or writing about the culture of life but by living the culture of life every day by doing small things with great love. …They go to the heart of the matter” (p.4).

For me, that boils down to both living a life of love on a daily basis and taking whatever steps we can to contribute to this critical effort.

With growing numbers of abortion-minded individuals being elected at various levels of government, the need is greater than ever for each Christian to find a way to become involved.

I certainly don’t mean to limit that to Christians, because it would be better still if those who don’t yet know Jesus would also stand up for the preborn.

But I’m directing this message to Christians because there are a lot of us—and collectively, we can make a big difference in this fight.

However, like me, you may have been or may remain somewhat asleep regarding this issue.

Or—also like I was—you don’t want to create conflict with family members or friends who are pro-abortion (pro-choice may be the term they use, but the baby doesn’t have a choice, so…).

And—yep, me too—you may not know how to help or where to start or what your role should be.

Regardless of any of that, the Bible is clear that each life is precious and uniquely created by God.

And ending a life in the womb is wrong.

Thus, abortion is an issue Christians cannot ignore or remain on the sidelines about anymore.

Instead, it’s time for each of us to step in and do what we can to help end abortion.

Getting Started

If you’re not sure where to start, start with prayer.

Ask God to show you how He wants you to specifically be involved.

Then consider the following as a few simple and practical options to begin supporting pro-life organizations on the front lines:

  • Pray for pro-life efforts.
  • Donate financially.  
  • Volunteer in various roles.
  • Be a model of Jesus’ love.

I mention the last point because many young women who seeks abortions do so because they don’t feel they have the support they need from family and friends.

That’s the case for Charlie, the 16-year-old main character of my upcoming novel, Final Moment.  

So one of the most important ways you can help to end abortion is to be supportive.

Be the kind of friend, parent, grandparent or other family member whom others feel comfortable turning to.

Who provides the love, acceptance, and support a young woman needs.

Why God doesn’t need our shortcuts

Don’t you just love a good shortcut?

A special route that’s all your own that lets you leave that long line of traffic behind?

If you live in a congested area, shortcuts can be such a joy, and one reason I love turning on Poppy—which is the name of my Google Maps girl so named for the star character in the movie Trolls.

Although we’ve lived in the Ocala area for several years now, I’d still get lost if I didn’t have my trusted Poppy to tell me how to get where I need to go.

And when I let her pick the route, she always provides the shortcuts I’d never know about if left up to my own devices.

Of course, there are other types of shortcuts besides those we use behind the wheel—and sometimes they can lead to pitfalls we don’t quite expect.

When shortcuts lead to pitfalls

Though shortcuts can be beneficial, they can also be a hazard if not applied in the right way.

For instance, taking a shortcut in manufacturing may reduce the quality of a product—which can hurt both customers and the reputation of the brand that created it.

Shortcuts in construction can lead to structures that may not last very long—or worse, be unstable and unsafe.

And don’t even get me started on the list of problems that can occur when shortcuts are taken in healthcare.

The various ways that shortcuts can lead to pitfalls would create a very long list, and I’m sure you get my drift.

Sometimes shortcuts are helpful and sometimes they’re either a hindrance or just outright harmful.

The motivation behind shortcuts

Examining and understanding motivation is a big deal in all kinds of scenarios—including the shortcuts we decide to take.

As a general category, motivation captures both positive and negative dynamics.

When it comes to shortcuts, positive dynamics may include:

  • efficiency;
  • productivity;
  • profitability; and
  • a desire to be good stewards of our time.

Negative dynamics may include:

  • greed;
  • laziness;
  • impatience;
  • profitability (yes, that one makes both lists); and
  • a lack of concern about the impact of our actions on someone else.

When I consider God’s opinion about shortcuts, I’m quite sure He’s not pleased when we take them based on the latter list.

And certainly, if He’s not part of the process, likely it’s not a shortcut that’s part of His plan.

We’re all vulnerable to shortcut-pitfalls

Although Abraham and Sarah were both close to God, they took a major shortcut that created quite a mess.

Genesis describes God’s promise to Abraham that He would make him the father of many nations (Genesis 12: 1-4; 15).

The problem was, Abraham was getting pretty old, and so was his wife, Sarah.

And though they desperately wanted children, that just hadn’t happened yet.  

Still, they intended to believe God and embraced the promise of parenthood.

However, after 10 years of waiting for Him to fulfill His promise, Sarah finally gave up and offered her maidservant, Hagar, to Abraham so he could have the offspring God had promised (Genesis 16:1-4).

Unfortunately, Abraham agreed and all three of them stepped into a shortcut that created quite a mess.

You can read more about the mess in Genesis 16 and Genesis 21:9-21, but the bottom line is that trusting God to fulfill His promise would’ve been a much better decision than moving forward with their own plans.

We’re all vulnerable to this dynamic that played out in Abraham and Sarah’s lives.

After all, in our impatience about this or that, it can be tempting to latch onto a shortcut that may not be part of God’s plan for us.

And God’s plan is always, always better than our own.

We never have to accept the shortcut-solutions of the world that are not part of what God wants for us.

Because the Creator of the Universe will provide all that we need.

But sometimes we have to be patient and trust God as we wait.  

Being faithful in prayer, study of the Word, and abiding in Him as we do.

What Mulan teaches us about embracing our unique gifts.

Hate being put in a box?

Being told what you should think or what you should say?

How you should or shouldn’t behave?

I’m with you.

That’s why I loved the movie Mulan so much—which Dave and I watched just last night.

Don’t worry, if you haven’t seen it yet, I’m not going to spoil it for you.

But the general theme relates to how important it is to know what our gifts are and then to fully embrace and develop them.

Embracing our gifts with God

Though Mulan isn’t told from a Christian perspective, the same principles apply.

In fact, the Apostle Paul talks about this very topic, listing 18 different types of spiritual gifts* and the importance of practicing those with which we’ve been entrusted.

(*Tyndale includes this caveat in its post I’ve linked to here: “It should be noted that not every Christian believes all these spiritual gifts are still given by God. Some think that there were certain gifts, such as speaking in tongues, that were handed down only for a time when they were needed in biblical history and are no longer needed now”).

There are many people in this world who are quite gifted in one way or another, yet lack the confidence and support to really go for it.

A variety of factors may play into that dynamic—including the lack of an encouraging environment, which may include a lack of encouragement from others.

If either is the case for you, perhaps it’s time to consider surrounding yourself with those who believe in you.

Then maybe you can start to believe in yourself and apply the gifts within.

Because I don’t think God wants us to linger in mediocrity.

Instead, I believe He wants us to understand the gifting He has uniquely bestowed on us.

And then to take His hand and move forward into whatever great and wonderful things He has planned for us next.

3 Ways to Reduce Clutter in the New Year

If you’re like me, reducing clutter is likely one of the items that makes your annual list of New Year’s resolutions.

That’s because I love the feel of an organized environment—but don’t always manage to keep it that way if I get busy with a writing project or something else.

When I was a kid, I distinctly remember the two images in my Brownie handbook: one in which the girl is overwhelmed because her bedroom is a chaotic mess—and the other in which everything has its proper place and she’s smiling as she closes the dresser drawer on a stack of neatly folded clothes.

Although I always wanted to be the latter, I was more often the former.

When I was a teenager, our house was broken into while we were all out. Although the burglars had turned most everything inside out looking for something of value—it didn’t appear that my room had been touched.

But it was so messy that the working theory was that one burglar probably thought the other had already tossed it.

Fortunately, I became more orderly as I got older—a trend which started with having roommates in college who were neater than me.

At this point in my life, I really love order—so much so that I started my business over a decade ago not as a writer, but as a professional organizer. When I found out that people actually make a living organizing someone else’s stuff, I was elated and jumped in with both feet.

There’s a longer story to why I’m not still doing that, but the bottom line is that I still enjoy an orderly environment, which means I’m always looking for ways to cut the clutter that gets in the way.

Here are three ways you can do that, too:

1. View what’s “old” as “new.”

I have a lot of books on the single bookshelf in my study—some which I’ve read and have kept because they’re favorites, and some which I look forward to finishing at some point in the future.

Those which I cherish most belonged to my mom and dad. In particular, they had a wonderful collection of Bible study resources that I love to pull out and use for my own study.

In addition to benefiting from the wisdom and expertise of the scholars who wrote them, I get to savor the wisdom of my parents as I enjoy their various highlights and notes.

Although my first instinct may be to look for something new to fit a particular research or study need—which may only add to my clutter—what I often realize is that something “old” that’s already at my fingertips perfectly fits the bill.

And that’s a principle that can be applied beyond the books on my shelf.

2. Evaluate the potential to collect dust.

Although I love a clean environment, I can’t say I love the process of getting or keeping it that way.

It’s not that I mind cleaning, it’s just that there are lots of other things I’d rather be doing than removing the layer of dust that will start reaccumulating not long after I’m done.

But I’m not really talking about the act of dusting in this context—rather whether the item that’s cluttering things up is something you really need.

Now, if something’s more sentimental than practical there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. We have lots of sentimental stuff in our home and cherish it all.

That’s not what I’m talking about.

Instead, I’m referring to the stuff that’s taking up space that you’re pretty sure you’ll never use.

Things that don’t really serve any purpose other than, yes, collecting dust.

If you have that kind of clutter in your life, consider whether it may be time to open a donation bag and give it to someone who may actually use it, instead.

3. Evaluate the obligatory mindset.

I have a pillow hanging on the door of my study that says, “Leave your coulda, woulda, shoulda at the door.”

Which is another factor in the clutter scenario.

If you’re hanging onto a clutter item from a sense of obligation or guilt, you might want to consider why that is and whether that’s a helpful dynamic or not.

In this case, there may be more significant issues underlying your need to hang onto something that’s cluttering up both your physical and emotional life.

And exploring that possibility in some way (perhaps with the help of a professional or trusted family member or friend) may end up leading to a sense of freedom that makes that the most valuable item of all.

When we let go of the things that no longer serve a purpose other than cluttering up our lives, we can make room for that which helps us be more effective in fulfilling the purposes God has planned for us.

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